go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
do herpes really smell.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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