I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize