Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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