My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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