addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Randomize
