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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  god i miss watching you do this...

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• (716): View more from New York

  Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs

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• (516): View more from New York

  i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing

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• (308): View more from Nebraska

  On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.

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