I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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