Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
