so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
