my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
