Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize