is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
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I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
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You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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