just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Found the puke drawer
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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