the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
