All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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