If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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