there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
