R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
