Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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