Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
