the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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