your parents love me but you hate me
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
