T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
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Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
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Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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