I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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