i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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