Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(281): View more from Texas

I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.

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(619): View more from California

i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out

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(951): View more from California

Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again

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These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Read it at the TFLN blog
(203): View more from Connecticut

I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?

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(985): View more from Louisiana

My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.

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(706): View more from Georgia

You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.

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