I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?