I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.