I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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