I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
