Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just gift wrapped bread.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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