Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
