This is not my ceiling
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
