so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
