Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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