I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
