I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
