Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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