Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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