My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
