i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
