What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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