there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
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He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
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Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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