is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
