I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
