I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
