we have pet lesbian snakes
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
