My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
