this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
