everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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