no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Still dying that you shit outside
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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