do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Hippo gnu deer
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
