Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
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Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
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Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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