i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
