Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
