I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
