don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
