Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He has the fingertips of a God
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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