I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
