Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
