Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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