I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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