So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
