I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
