what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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